Celebs Featured: Phoebe Bridgers, Ariel Winter, Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Heather Graham, Kelsey Grammer
Author’s Note: Back with another chapter. This is my first attempt at writing something somewhat supernatural. I watched Extreme Ghostbusters recently, and knew I wanted to write the character of Kylie Griffin since she’s my favorite of the characters in there, I love goth girls and she is very similar to a close friend of mine named Emilie. Another friend of mine, Taylor, was writing some vampire stuff and asked if I ever thought of writing them. I hadn’t, but this sort of just came together. I didn’t know how to work Kylie into my ongoing Phoebe Bridgers story here, but as soon as someone told me that Ariel Winter is short, I had the idea of having Ariel try some method acting by playing the part of Kylie and trying to stay in character. Even though she has a huge crush on Fergie, one of the two criminals pretending to be vampires. Of course Ariel also might want to go off and explore any other ghost sightings she finds on her “totally real and working” PKE meter, which just makes things harder for Phoebe. Also I wanted to write Heather Graham in here cause well she’s a good actress. I thought writing her character as a cop who works with the people Phoebe works for, but gets a bit too into her job of making people confess would be really fun. Also I picked Fergie and Gwen Stefani to be the vampires cause I’ve read different stories where they were vampires, and it just sort of fits them.
Agent Phoebe Bridgers was just sitting at her desk sipping a coffee, happy that she was having a relatively normal day for once. It was almost too normal, she thought, she had a feeling that something was about to happen and she would be stuck with another partner who’d make her job more difficult. She also was wary of the new detective that was hired to help them, Detective Heather Graham. She seemed like a nice woman, but she was way too into her job of making people confess their wrongdoings. Before she could continue to think of the woman and her questionable interrogation practices, an all too familiar shout of her last name made her quickly chug down her coffee and get up to see her boss.
Except it wasn’t her boss, rather, it was his second in command, Sir Kelsey Grammer.
“Where’s the boss today? Buying a new swear jar?”
“Very funny, Bridgers. No, he’s away sick. He ate something at that dinner we went to last night. The one that I reminded you to attend and you still didn’t show up for.”
“I was busy, Sir. Being a singer is hard work. I had some studio time and I didn’t wanna let it go to waste. So what’s the mission today, and who did you think it’d be funny to stick me with this time?”
“Today, you and Agent Ariel Winter will be investigating reports of actual vampire sightings which were linked to several kidnappings and murders.”
“Couldn’t you have someone like the Bailey sisters deal with this one? I’m not exactly the biggest fan of things that want to suck out my blood.”
“I had a feeling you’d say that. We think You Know Who might be involved with this, there’s a very large possibility that she’s put these two minions of her’s to work here while she continues to hide out and work on whatever plan she’s got cooking.”
“Say no more. Now where’s Ariel?”
They walked to a desk, which had a rather short young woman who appeared to be reading a book of some sort sitting behind it. The only thing in common between this woman and Agent Winter was a similar height, but that’s where the similarities ended. Agent Winter, the few times Phoebe and her interacted, usually wore something like an extremely pink dress which exposed a lot of her legs, with high heels to make her rather short height less noticeable. And while this woman’s hair was black like Agent Winter’s, it was done in a more spiked style which she’d describe as goth, rather than ariel’s usual very crazily styled, usually curled around her shoulders style. Another reason Phoebe knew this woman couldn’t be her coworker was the difference in attitude. Usually Ariel was exceptionally upbeat, often acting like she ate packets of sugar for breakfast. This woman on the other hand was all serious, appeared to be somewhat gloomy or at the very least slightly antisocial and was extremely concentrated on what she was reading while she took notes.
In terms of attire, the mystery goth woman was wearing a pair of shorts, along with a form fitting jumpsuit. She was also carrying a rather strange backpack like device on her back, which was being supported by a chestplate on her suit. Phoebe could tell the woman was still having a hard time holding it up though do to her rather gangly physique.
“Look Sir, I know you’re the second in command here, but did you not notice you let a criminal in here? I gotta talk to Heather about this, maybe she can find out what happen to Ariel.”
Before her superior or the other mystery woman could protest, Phoebe was already on the way to the detective’s interrogation room, where she could hear an ongoing questioning of a recently captured man, as well as what sounded like Heather beating him up and torturing him for any information he knew about some recent criminal case.
When Phoebe opened the door, that’s exactly what she saw. Heather, gun on her belt and standing above a guy who refused to talk while she looked ready to strike him for what was obviously not the first time, judging from the look on his face.
“Please, Miss, help me! This cop is crazy!”
“Did I tell you to speak? I don’t remember telling you to talk, you bitch!”
Heather then gave him a swift kick in the balls before addressing Phoebe.
“Hey, Bridgers, what brings you here? This doesn’t really seem like your sort of thing. If you wanna help me get this fucker to spill some important info you’re more than welcome, there’s an electrocution device right over there that I’ve been dying to use, but I’ll let you get first crack at it if you’d like.”
“No, Heather, I’m good, thanks. I came in to talk to you about a criminal that was let into this building. Or at least I think she’s a criminal. I was told to meet up with Agent Winter, but the only person I found was this goth chick wearing some sort of strange backpack thingy sitting at her desk.”
“How do you know that’s not Agent Winter going through a goth faze? I’ve seen plenty of people like that in my line of work, usually it’s some attempt at going against the system. It can happen at any time, even when you’re like forty.”
“I know it’s not her because she was reading a book! Not a gossip magazine, an honest to god book! She’d never do that!”
“You might be onto something here. I’ll be with you in just a minute.”
Heather then knocked out the criminal before leaving the room with Phoebe, where they approached Agent Winter’s desk, the mystery goth woman still sitting and reading at it, although it seemed like the boss man had left, probably to check up on some of the other agents.
“Identify yourself! If you don’t state your name right now, I will be forced to arrest you for trespassing amongst other crimes.”. Heather moved one of her hands closer to her gun and handcuffs, but didn’t pull them out just yet.
“I’m Ariel Winter, I work here, silly! See what I’m doing is like, I was binging some 90’s cartoons, and one of them was Extreme Ghostbusters, and Kylie Griffin from that show like really resonated with me.”
“I’m not sure how, considering she’s smart and all.”. While Phoebe wasn’t really known for snarking, she couldn’t resist letting off a few remarks at people like Ariel, who seemed ditzy enough to not pick up on the sarcasm. Ariel though decided to ignore the comment and continued to talk.
“So anyway, I really liked her, and I found out some film company was making a live-action movie based on the show, so I auditioned and I like, got the part! Isn’t this great! So I’m trying to like, stay in character and stuff. Nothing can make me break character. Well except for anything related to Fergie. I have a huge crush on her. I bought like twenty copies of both of her albums. So are you ready to go now?”. Phoebe was still trying to process Ariel’s rambling and overuse of the word “like”, but figured it’s best to get on with the latest case, especially cause it could lead her closer to hopefully finally dealing with her arch nemesis once and for all.
“Let’s go then, Ariel.”. Ariel however didn’t even stand up, although she did put her book she was reading away.
“Fine, ug, let’s go, Kylie.”. That did it. Ariel stood up, waved to Heather and they were on their way to Phoebe’s car.
After fastening their seatbelts, Ariel took out what looked like a replica of the Ghostbusters’ PKE Meter and began to tinker around with it.
“What’s that thing?”. Phoebe thought it looked somewhat familiar, but couldn’t place what it was that Ariel was fiddling with.
“It’s a PKE Meter. It detects ghosts and ghost energy. I had this one modified to also detect other supernatural energies too. Also on this proton pack here, I added a special button that can make it much bigger, like big enough to trap a human being inside it for a temporary time.”
“The hell just happen to your accent? Why do you sound like you’re from New York all of a sudden?”.
“Coming from the girl who sounds like she’s in constant indie-girl-voice mode when she sings anything.”. Phoebe didn’t know much about this character her coworker was playing, but if she snarked like this more often, perhaps putting up with her wouldn’t be so bad. Although the start of her troubles would soon begin, and it started with the press of a button. The button to turn on the radio, to be exact. Glamorous, the hit song from Fergie and Ludacris was playing, and just as Ariel said, anything related to Fergie made her break character.
She also started to sing, and while Phoebe realized that she was actually quite a good singer, it was exceptionally distracting when trying to look for the place they were looking for, not helping was the sounds the PKE Meter would make at random times. She didn’t believe it was actually a real thing, she was ninety percent sure that Ariel had gotten scammed. There weren’t really such things like ghosts and vampires, this whole thing they were going to uncover was probably just a couple people with nothing better to do than take orders from one of the most despicable people she knew and just pretended to be vampires. Annoyed by Ariel’s constant singing, she turned off the radio.
“Hey! I was listening to that! It’s one of my favorite songs!”.
“It’s probably not one of Kylie’s, though, right? You don’t wanna break character, do you?”.
“I’m not a character breaker.”. There was the New York accent coming back in full force, meaning Ariel would stop singing and would focus on the job again now that she was back in Kylie mode much to Phoebe’s relief.
“Since you probably don’t know all that much about them, let me catch you up to speed on vampires. Way back in the ancient Greek times, stories were told about evil creatures that would drink the blood of people in their sleep. Walking corpses that rose from the dead and sucked the blood straight from humans. Eventually the legends of these creatures expanded all through Europe and when stuff like the plague took place, some people believed that vampires were real and caused it.”
“Thanks for the history lesson I didn’t ask for. I think we’re here.”. Phoebe stopped the car right at a graveyard that for sure wasn’t there before. It looked extremely suspicious and surprisingly looked well put together and almost real, with tombstones and such all over the place.
Ariel and Phoebe got out of the car, the former leading since Phoebe wanted to see if any of that technology Ariel brought with her actually worked or not. As they were walking, Ariel ended up tripping over a corpse that was just lying on the ground, Phoebe rushing to her side to see if she was OK.
Ariel, however seemed intent on scanning the dead body. “See here, I know this one is real. It’s rotting in places like the neck, seems pretty fresh too. I think we’ve got a real couple of vampires on our hands. Meh, just a normal day for me.”.
After Phoebe got Ariel away from the body, the two of them kept walking, until they approached what appeared to be a room with a large black door with a knocker on it. Ariel decided to step forward and try using it despite Phoebe’s insistence that they sneak inside like the spys that they are.
The door opened, and two women stepped out to greet the duo. One of them had her chest-length brown hair with blonde highlights down and wore all black clothing. She was clad in tight black jeans and a T-shirt, Phoebe thought this woman dressed way too casually to even be considered a vampire, even with her black clothing. The other woman, The woman next to her had a long platinum blonde ponytail and wore a ton of red lipstick, a red crop-top that showed off her very toned stomach, a pair of black tight jeans similar to the woman next to her and some high heels on her feet to finish off the look. Phoebe, after stopping herself from staring at the blonde woman’s exposed stomach placed her hand on her gun’s holster, ready to shoot them both dead even if they were incredibly hot. She didn’t even get to pull her gun out though, because in that second, something expected yet totally annoying was about to happen.
“Oh My Fucking God! You’re Fergie!” Ariel exclaimed, all sense of staying in character gone as she ran up to the first woman, tackling her down with a massive hug. Phoebe just sighed. Even if she expected this sort of behaviour from Ariel if she ever saw her celebrity crush, they were on a mission, and distractions weren’t something they could afford.
She stepped in the room and took a look around. She noticed that it was almost pitch black, the only light being a few torches on the walls that were flickering and really adding to the creepy vibe. There was a coffin near the center of the room, plenty of dead bodies next to it, all with visible gashes and bruises on their necks. She decided to take another closer look at the platinum blonde woman who greeted them alongside Fergie and realized that it was in fact Gwen Stefani. She walked closer to see what Gwen was up to, noticing that she seemed to be holding one of the bodies over her head. Gwen then simply threw the body with perfect aim right into a huge fire pit which was outside the room, most likely to burn it later.
She then grabbed another of the bodies. She made sure to suck on its neck for any missing drops of blood before checking the person’s pockets one last time for any valuables and then throwing it with the rest.
“You mind explaining yourself before I punch your lights out?”. Phoebe usually wasn’t this aggressive, even with people she was tasked to hunt down, but everything that happen so far throughout the day was just taking a toll on her.
“Sure. I’m Gwen Stefani, that’s Fergie and we’re going to suck your blood. Don’t worry, it’ll be painless. Just don’t resist and you’ll be fine. Fergie, you mind coming over here and helping me with restraining this one? You can deal with the other one later. Something her size and shape will probably be our easiest victim yet, even easier than that guy who wanted to be a vampire cause he wanted to suck the blood of that fast food worker who messed up his order.”.
Fergie though didn’t come over to Gwen to help with Phoebe. This was because Ariel decided to start a make out session with her, which Fergie was eagerly taking part in.
Ariel reached for Fergie’s top and started to pull it off, while Fergie went right for Ariel’s shorts, quickly unbuckling her belt and removing her shorts and black lingerie. Before Fergie could start eating her out, Ariel went right for Fergie’s bra, which gave her a bit of trouble at first, but eventually she got it off. She immediately moved her mouth to Fergie’s breasts, sucking them like she was well, a vampire sucking blood .
Gwen and Phoebe, both watching the two of them began to feel a wetness between their legs, Gwen more so than Phoebe.
“So, uh, wanna make out or something? I’m getting kinda horny, and I was hoping you could help me with that.”. Phoebe had to admit to herself that even at her age, Gwen still looked extremely attractive. She wasn’t sure if she actually was a vampire now, no one in their fifties could look that good without feasting on the blood of the young or something.
Phoebe walked over to Gwen and kissed her. Gwen, showing just how horny Fergie and Ariel’s unplanned sexual encounter had made her, began to aggressively deepen the kiss, although Phoebe made sure that Gwen’s teeth never touched any part of her, especially not her neck.
While Phoebe was starting to feel up Gwen, Ariel and Fergie had gotten fully undressed, Fergie losing her jeans as soon as Ariel saw her partner and Gwen making out across the room. Their positions were switched now, with Ariel eating Fergie out like her life depended on it while Fergie licked her breasts. Ariel made sure Fergie didn’t use teeth or have any access to her neck, even though one of her ultimate fantasies was having the singer suck on her breasts. Even though she had given up playing Kylie at this point, she hadn’t forgotten why they were here. She attempted to make a gesture with her hands toward Phoebe, hoping that even though she was playing with Gwen’s breasts through her top, she’d be able to notice her. Phoebe thankfully did, and removed her hands from the older woman’s breasts, even as Gwen began to take off her jeans to really get things started.
Phoebe went over to where Fergie and Ariel were, noticing that thankfully, Fergie hadn’t damaged the Proton Pack while undressing Ariel earlier. She then pressed the special button on the side, praying that it wasn’t a complete scam. It surprisingly worked, and just as Fergie had finally began to suck Ariel’s breasts, she was sucked up by the nozzle at the end of the ghost catching device.
Gwen, now noticing that both her sexual partner and coworker were gone, angrily rushed over to Phoebe who had begun to point the weapon she was holding at her while Ariel redressed.
“You fucking bitch! First you leave me horny, then you suck up my partner with that sucker-upper thingy! I’m going to kill you!”
“It’s called a Proton Pack.” Ariel said, now fully back in character as Kylie.
Phoebe, not even letting Gwen pull her jeans back on, sucked her up with the Proton Pack.
“Don’t worry, if I put their clothes in this little part in here, they’ll instantly go back onto their bodies for the cops to arrest them. They should wake up as soon as you press this button.” Ariel said as she put Fergie’s and Gwen’s clothes through a part on the machine, although it took a bit of time to get her to let go of Fergie’s bra. Phoebe was astonished, this pack was far more advanced than the one in the movies. She called Heather, who soon pulled up in her police cruiser. Phoebe pressed the button to wake Fergie and Gwen up, and the two women fell out of another part of the pack, landing at Heather’s feet fully clothed.
After she arrested them and read them their rites, Heather decided to just get down to business.
“So, here’s how this is gonna go. You two explain yourselves, and if you don’t try to escape and admit everything you’ve done, you’ll be in one piece for your court date, got it?”
Gwen and Fergie began to explain everything. They explained how they were tasked to do this by Halsey, the woman they worked for. They explained how they’d put adds up online for people that wanted to be vampires, and they’d tell them to go to the graveyard with a large sum of cash. They then had them pay some of the money, instructed them to lay in a coffin for about thirty minutes and then they’d be a real vampire and would rise from the coffin. They in actuality would just knock them out, slit their throats, strip and rob them before burning their bodies in the fire pit just off to the side of the room they’d constructed. Gwen though, did actually drink some of the victims’ blood, just to see what it tasted like. Fergie didn’t like it when she tried it, but Gwen actually drank about three victims’ blood, it had a nice taste to it, she’d admitted. The two of them also said that they were surprised how many people actually fell for the scam, but they made some good money out of it and that’s all that mattered.
Phoebe and Ariel then got back into Phoebe’s car, while Heather also brought the handcuffed Fergie and Gwen to her police cruiser. Phoebe, while driving back to headquarters, turned to Ariel who was surprisingly silent.
“I know you’re just doing the whole playing a goth girl thing for the movie you’re gonna be starring in, but you think you could act like this more often? Snarky and actually smart actually fits you pretty well.”
“Well, maybe sometimes. But I love being me too! I love stalking Instagram’s of cute girls and guys, buying a ton of makeup for my makeup rooms at home, yes that’s rooms like, more than one. And I love reading gossip websites, there’s so much cool info on them! I could spend hours there learning all about the latest tea! But even better than all that, today, I got to meet and fuck Fergie! EEEEEE!”
Phoebe just sighed, knowing that she should maybe invest in some earplugs if she was ever partnered up with Ariel in the future.
The End
Author’s Note: Another chapter here for everyone. Most of the stuff I wanted to say about this chapter is already covered in the opening author’s note. The title came from the fact that one character is playing a Ghostbuster, but they’re dealing with vampires, so vampire busters, pretty simple. A huge thanks to Taylor for all her help, she was also the one that helped me with what to make Fergie and Gwen wear, so thanks to her for that too. I’ll say that even though I hinted at it, I didn’t have Phoebe and Ariel really do any other ghost investigating, I just couldn’t think of where to fit it in. Anywhere I tried just felt kind of out of place, so I ended up just scrapping that idea entirely. I’m proud of how this chapter turned out, it was really fun writing Ariel and Phoebe snarking at each other the few times they did. Writing an actress actually trying to act by attempting to stay in character was fun also and is something I don’t think I’ve really seen done before. I wrote Kelsey Grammer as the second in command of the place Phoebe works for simply cause I think he’s got a boss like voice, that’s pretty much it. I know I didn’t give Fergie and Gwen much character, but they’re not the big bads of the story, she’s showing up next chapter, and she’s easily one of my favorite characters to write. Look forward to that.
Topic: 00 Bridgers Episode 3: Vampire Busters (Read 3705 times)