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Author Topic: Monty Python and the Holy Grail XXX  (Read 1329 times)


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Monty Python and the Holy Grail XXX
« on: January 23, 2020, 04:51:17 AM »
Verily my cup runneth over and my imagination is fired up by the funniest movie ever made. Consider this tall tale as an X rated medieval spoof featuring porn star Stormy Daniels as Zoot.

RIP Terry Jones, 1942 to 2020.


England, 932 A.D.

The rain lashed down as the thunderstorm got heavier and the chaste Sir Galahad was desperate for shelter as the night drew in over the countryside. That was when he espied the light through the trees and what appeared to be an image of the Grail itself above the castle's ramparts.

"A sign, a sign!"

With all his remaining strength he pulled his battered body through the foliage until he came to the large and foreboding door of the remote castle.

"Open the door, open the door! In the name of the King, open!"

He pounded as hard as he could, over and over, not daring to let up as the sound of the storm threatened to drown him out. There came a noise like a thump and the great wooden door creaked open. He stumbled in and sprawled out on a straw covered stone floor, torches flicked their naked flame around the high ceilinged chamber. A soft voice, female of course, fluttered in his ears.

"Welcome, gentle Sir knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax."

The lady who spoke loomed over him, dressed in a white linen robe that fell to her feet. Upon her head she wore a headpiece with a fine white veil that covered her long blonde locks, lightened by the sun. Her beautiful face was most captivating, and her high cheekbones drew the gaze to her clear blue eyes and determined jaw. Beside her were similarly dressed maidens with long flowing hair and big smiles, their gauze like robes quite revealing as their ripe bodies were barely concealed underneath.

"The Castle...Anthrax?" He managed to utter.

"Yes, it's not a good name is it? Oh! But we are nice and we shall attend to your every need."

"Your every need! Every need!" Chorused the group of young women.

"You are the keepers of the Grail?"

"The what?"

"The Holy Grail. It is here?" Galahad got to his feet, his wet shoulder length hair damp on his brow.

"Oh, but you are tired, and wet through. Let us help you. Midget! Crepper!"

Two women hurried over and bowed demurely.

"Prepare a bed for our honoured guest, girls."

"Yes, Zoot. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Hither, brave knight. The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big!"

"Gosh, thanks but..."

Zoot led him by the elbow as they made their way through a narrow passageway to another inner part of the chilly castle.

"What is your name, handsome knight?"

"Sir Galahad, the chaste."

"Mine is Zoot, although some call me Stormy. I confess to have a tempestuous side."

The woman bowed her head and smiled to herself.

"Be thee nuns?"

"Novices, dear Sir. We strive to give our best, but it is trying to be sure." Galahad had been one of several chosen favourites of King Arthur himself to engage in the sacred task of discovering the whereabouts of the Holy Grail. Rumoured to be somewhere in England itself.

"For pity sake, show me the grail!"

"Now then, you must not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. Oh, I know our lives must be dull compared to yours. I am head maiden here. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes all aged between eighteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this remote castle. Without men."

Stormy paced the stone floor as she spoke, the torch in her hand throwing shadows on the dimly lit chamber.

"It is a lonely life. Bathing, dressing, UN dressing. Making exciting underwear, oh 'tis a quiet world without handsome males to protect us."

"Ooh!" Galahad winced at a pain in his side.

"But you are wounded! You must see our Doctors immediately!"

Stormy clapped twice and two young blondes arrived in a flash. They seemed barely nineteen years of age with pink cheeks and rosy lips.

"They are Doctors?" Wondered Galahad as he was eased onto his back on the nearest bed.

"Well, they HAVE had basic medical training." Said Stormy with a guilty look. "Doctor Piglet. Doctor Winston. Do your stuff."

Right away Piglet began to lift up the mans white knee length tunic with the red cross on the chest in order to examine him more closely.

"Is that absolutely necessary?" Enquired a bemused knight.

"Relax, we ARE Doctors. We must examine you."

Both girls now fumbled around his bared groin with broad smiles.

"There's nothing wrong with THAT, I can assure you."

"Glad to hear it." Said Piglet who scrutinised his scrotum with great focus.

"Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail! It is here!"

He leapt up and wandered into the adjoining room where he stumbled upon a group of buxom young women in various states of undress. Some tending to their bathing, some brushing their hair, others reclining on soft beds. Stormy was now surrounded by a dozen other young girls and she began to chastise herself.

"Oh, bad Zoot. Naughty Zoot! Wicked, wicked woman that I am! It grieves me to say that I just remembered that our beacon, which we lit earlier, is Grail shaped. I must apologise."

"It's not the real cup?"

"Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. This is alas, not the first time the beacon has lured brave knights such as your good self to our door. What am I girls? I must be punished. And there is but one punishment here in Castle Anthrax. I must be pinned to a bed and spanked thoroughly!"

"A spanking! A spanking!" Chorused the others amidst much giggling.

"Yes, and then, when I'm done you must spank the others."

"A spanking! A spanking!"

"Yes spank me!" Cried one. "And me." Said another. "And me too, I'm ever so naughty!"

"We must all be spanked, and then, the oral sex!" Gushed Stormy enthusiastically.

"Oral sex! Oral sex!" Began an enthusiastic chanting.

"Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer." Grinned Galahad, suddenly tempted by the delightful offer.

"Sir Galahad! I've found you!"

A tall knight in a white knee length tunic and big boots bounded into the room with his sword drawn and fire in his eyes. A chain mail balaclava obscured his features but Galahad knew who it was.

"Oh, Sir Lancelot, hello."

"Quick, let's get out of here!"

"No! No, that is, I can handle this myself thank you."

"Yes, yes, he can handle us. Oh, let him handle us." Yelled the horny women.

"Silence, foul temptress!" Snarled Lancelot as he waved his sword in the air at Stormy.

"No really, let me deal with the situation." Insisted Galahad.

"Yes, let him deal with us!" Yelled the frustrated group of women.

"We must away!" Cried Lancelot.

"I bet you're gay!" Sneered Galahad.

"No, I'm not."

"Prove it!"

"Alright. You're on."

Stormy jumped up and down on the spot as all the females began to eagerly strip off .

"As long as I get first dabs on the stacked blonde."

"Deal." Agreed Galahad.


It was plain to see that Stormy was a little older than the others as she stood resplendent in all her naked glory. Full breasted and wide of hip she stood proud and straight backed as the two knights of the round table drank in her alluring nakedness. Her fair tousled hair spread out over her shoulders in luxuriantly as she gave herself up to Dingo and Midget who steered her to a large bed. There she was pressed forward so that her buxom frame was belly down on the straw filled mattress. Her wrists were lightly bound and secured to the bedpost above her head. A wry smile raised the corners of her mouth as she lifted her butt so that one of the girls could put a pillow under her midriff.

"I am yours, dear knights. Punish me as thou so desire, my body is yours to do what thou wilt."

The two gawping knights ogled the perfectly heart shaped bottom that was on display and gulped.

"A good spanking to commence, and a hard one to be sure." She ordered.

Slowly Galahad and Lancelot removed their tunics and chain mail and stood quite naked before the audience of young women. All shades of hair colour and body shapes surrounded them, all wide eyed and radiant.

"Come along, gentle knights. Be not shy, I am ever so naughty and demand admonishment."

Galahad felt his hard on ache as he approached the bed, urged on by the other naked nubiles. He started by tapping her bottom with the palm of his left hand and then summoned up the courage to give her bum several hard swats.


Stormy began to moan and wriggle after the fifth spank and grew louder in volume as her rounded cheeks bounced around from the blows.

"It's really quite fun!" Observed Galahad who stepped aside for Sir Lancelot.

The tall man really laid it on as he rained down blow after blow on the ever reddening ass of the bound blonde who ground her body into the pillow under her body.


Winston moved closer and checked on Stormy's pussy which had become soaking wet in the last two minutes. The young blonde felt around the soft entrance and then withdrew her damp digit.

"Mistress Zoot has become sexually aroused and is ever so naughty. Continue the chastisement."

Stormy lifted her well spanked butt so it stuck up high and grinned to herself. Lancelot got into a rhythm and smacked every inch of her buttocks with a sadistic relish. His blows came down hard and loud as the tied blonde winced and groaned from the intense whacks. Her quim leaked profusely as her ass was pounded without mercy.

"Now both together." Ordered Winston.

Galahad eagerly joined his fellow knight and they rained blows down very fast in sync. Stormy's tits bounced up as her bum and upper thighs were spanked by four rough hands.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, my, yes!"

The group of girls drew in closer as the two rampant males worked together. As one smacked her across the top of her ass the other moved in almost instantaneously. It felt to the aroused woman that it was like one long continuous spank without relief. The flurry of blows reverberated around the stone walls of the castle as Stormy kicked her legs up at the knees. It was impossible to distinguish which hand belonged to whom as her ass became a glowing rump of flesh.

"Naughty, naughty Zoot, chastise my sorry backside, I implore you!"

Her hands now made fists which she beat on the bed above her head. Then came the final whack that hit the sublime gap between her upper thighs and sawed into her wet slit. Stormy squirted her fluids in a diminishing arc that left her pussy as she climaxed. All three stopped their ministrations and reflected on the erotic play.

"I thoroughly deserved that, well done both of you. Now go play with the others and enjoy."

Galahad already had a girl known as Pinky on his lap as he sat in a high backed chair and was spanking her scarlet bottom in rapid blows of his open palm. The right cheek was getting most of the smacks for the first minute before he switched his attention and smacked her left buttock.

"Next!" He grinned as Pinky got up and rubbed her sore backside.

Gwen hopped over, a redhead about five feet and a bit who assumed the position.

"Have you been a naughty girl?" He grinned as he asked the question whilst cupping her adorable buttocks.

"Yes, good Sir knight. And I expect a jolly hard spanking."

"So be it."

As he began to smack her cute rump the girl kicked her legs but resisted moving her butt as the spanking continued.

"Oh, sir, more, more, more!"

Galahad felt his stiff cock rub against her body as she wriggled in his bare lap and he peered down between her parted thighs. He now spanked the area by her downy covered pussy where the flesh was snow white.


Gwen arched her back and gasped when she felt her cunt being finger fucked. She bit her lower lip as he probed her wetness and then was surprised when she was let up. She rubbed her ass cheeks which were red hot and then strummed her hard clit.

"I need fellatio." He said decidedly as his cock twitched wildly.

Lancelot was busy organising his treat by rendering four nude nubiles to bend over at the waist at a large oak table. Four sets of feminine creamy white buttocks rose up into the air amid giggles and girly muttering. The horny male scooted from one to another caressing the adorable nether moons which all trembled to his masculine touch. Trying to ignore his painfully large erection he sighed to himself.

"Right, which of you has been the naughtiest?"

"That would be me." Answered Crepper.

"No, me." Said Piglet.

"Me, me, me," came the repetitive cries from the wriggling women.

Lancelot chuckled and proceeded in an orderly fashion from left to right. His right hand delivered two stinging spanks, each of them dead centre on Crepper's cheeks. She squealed and quivered spasmodically as two pink images of his palm emerged vividly.

"Good start." He noted.

He moved to the right and gave Piglet a rapid tattoo on her plump ass as his breath hissed from his mouth. She shrieked from the dozen slaps which gave her a most welcome burn to her hot derriere. Again moving on he came to Winston and brought his hard palm down on her soft posterior, alternating betwixt both cheeks. Her body moved involuntarily as her pussy ran in rivulets down her right thigh.

"I'm so naughty Sir knight, spank my sorry bum!"

A willowy redhead wiggled her backside last in line as he lost control and unleashed searing impacts on the offered rump, concentrating on that triangle at the very bottom of her buns. Once sated he returned to Crepper and gave the grinning brunette a steady staccato of spanks on her saucy bottom.

"There you are, you are very naughty young lady."

As he chided her with several explosions that came in heavy bursts the girl erupted in a shrieking orgasm. The others turned their heads jealously and looked up at Lancelot with pleading eyes. Piglet was next once more and he landed blow after blow all over her bottom, paying particular attention to the tops of her thighs and lower cheeks.

"That's it! That's it!" She screamed. "Scold me, scold me!"

After much wriggling and squirming the beating made her bod burn and her pussy seep with moisture.

"Come on, come on, legs straight, bottom up."

Piglet purred with delight when she felt his tongue slip between her thighs and lick her hard clit. She came with a gasp and the knight swallowed her fluids eagerly. Winston rubbed her slot as she was given a few light taps with an open palm. Then it came in a spate of smacks that set her ass on fire. The blonde rubbed and rubbed her cunt as she was whacked until her exquisite release soon followed.

"Right, last one," he said as he cracked his knuckles.

Dingo wiggled her butt and made erotic connections with Winston beside her. Lancelot caressed her ass, brushing her ginger muff lightly.


The spanking began in earnest and he deliberately made his hand crack loudly on her soft flesh. He smacked her left cheek exclusively several times letting the burn set in. Then he chose to admonish the right and watched in satisfaction as her white skin turned a shocking pink. As she groaned he inserted his middle finger into her wet pussy and frigged her rapidly. As her knees went weak he pinched her clit betwixt finger and thumb and she exploded with a scream.

"What fun! What splendid fun! And now the oral sex."

A round of applause filled the bedchamber as Stormy laid on her back, her firm, smooth thighs opened to allow full access to her sopping pussy and sensitive clitoris. Lancelot watched in front of her, his bulging and veiny cock rising to the occasion as he scrutinised her trimmed golden pubic bush. Gay he was most certainly not! "Nice tits, fair maiden."

Indeed Stormy sported bullet hard nipples which stood proud atop her bountiful breasts. She quivered with anticipation as the tall knight lowered himself to the bed and poked his tongue out and homed in on her slick cunt. He clamped his face to her and pushed in deep. With a rampant passion he slurped at her pussy, grinding his wiry face at her soft flesh and drank in her juices.

"Oh my goodness, that is heavenly!" She purred.

Lancelot rotated his index finger inside her opening as he directed his tongue to her erect nub. Stormy played with her own nipples as her clit was stimulated with dextrous flicks and licks. Her breath became ragged as the finger plunged firmly inside her pussy. At the same time he sucked her clit into his mouth and held it between his teeth. The hot blonde squirmed as she was driven mad by the vigorous assault and her pussy juiced up nicely.

"Oh, good knight, you know all the right spots!"

Stormy pushed her hips up and he grabbed her under her butt and held her cunt to his face. For a moment the smoking blonde held her breath before waves of pleasure flooded her body and her thighs twitched from the intense climax he brought forth from her.

"'Tis more than I ever dreamed of! I needed that."

"Happy to oblige. And now for something completely different."

With a grin he presented his nine inch prick for offer.

"By all that's holy!"

Galahad was standing at the foot of the bed as Midget pumped her head to and fro on his boner, his balls bouncing on her elfin chin as he bucked his pelvis. Her moans were muffled since her mouth was stuffed and she squeezed his buttocks as they bumped together. He slid his fingers through her long hair and held her head as he fucked her sweet mouth and a string of saliva dribbled down the small cleft in her chin and onto her tits. With a cry of relief Galahad snapped his head back and pumped his sticky seed down Midget's throat who did not shed a single drop.

"You are truly blessed, Sir knight. It is a large one to be sure."

Across the way Stormy went for Lancelot's cock as if her life depended on it, licking and sucking on the swollen crown as she cupped his heavy laden balls. He saw a half smile on her face as she squeezed his ass and rammed her head onto his cock. Her right hand jerked him from the base to halfway up his shaft and gobbled him up in time with her strokes. Stormy worked her jaw energetically as her tongue flicked out constantly over his huge hose until he finally let loose his load with copious amounts of cum. Drips of the stuff oozed out of the corners of her mouth as she gulped down the precious seed, then she released his prick with a loud slurp.

"It is time for a well deserved rest," announced Stormy. "Sleep good knights, and when you wake we will celebrate your arrival with an all out orgy."


Side by side on the biggest bed in Castle Anthrax the two knights of the round table dozed and snored soundly. They began to stir when they were gently nudged by several naked women who giggled and prodded their uncovered bodies. A clap of hands awoke the pair who sat bolt upright and they saw Stormy sat on a high backed chair, long legs crossed and bare breasted.

"Orgy time my Lords." She spread her hands at the impatient gathering.

Sir Lancelot looked around at the audience of women who looked at him with wide eyes and bated breath.

"So, who's next?" He said as he rose to the occasion.

Crepper and Dingo put their hands up shouting. "Me! Me!"

Two other spirited girls squealed as they hopped up and down excitedly. At five feet three Midget was blonde with hazel eyes with a petite frame and perky tits. Lancelot sat on the edge of the bed and she wasted no time in straddling him. She grabbed his half erection and jerked him to full attention. The tall knight gasped as his stiff pole entered her warm and wet muff and watched the willing girl lower all the way down his prodigious length until she was stuffed. She began to bounce up and down, making her tits jiggle delightfully as she picked up the pace.

"It's simply divine!" She giggled as she rode on his slick tool with surprising expertise.

Lancelot did not sit by idle and pulled her down hard on him by her hips at the same time she slammed down on him. Her eyes closed tight shut as she concentrated on sliding up and down on him. Then she shuddered and convulsed as her orgasm wracked her body, the expectation of intercourse too much to defer. She collapsed onto his broad chest and her berry like nipples bore into his flesh. He pulled his cock out and the other girl sucked on his shining pole with relish.

"It's so yummy!" Winston said as she enjoyed the silky hard flesh of his boner.

The tiny blonde swirled her tongue around and around, before giving the lucky knight a slut grin and straddling his lanky frame. She lined up his long pole to her golden thatch and dropped down with a scream. Relatively short at four feet eleven her light coloured hair came down over her modest tits and down her back. Lancelot grabbed her heart shaped bum and bounced her up and down as if she weighed nothing.

"Oh, oh, oh, yes!"

The petite girl moaned loudly as she had her orgasm, the iron hard beast firmly embedded in her hot interior. Lancelot ground her lower body to and fro so that her pubic bone rubbed against his groin.

"Don't stop, I implore you!"

Galahad was atop of Piglet as he slipped his rampant erection into the woman's searing pussy. She moaned unintelligibly as she was fucked by his steel hard cock and arched her back as she was pinned to the soft bed by his weight.

"Oh, fuck me Sir knight, do what thou wilt."

She wanted a hard fuck so he gave her one, thrusting into her with all he had. Her breath was squeezed out of her as he pounded her tiny frame, and the more he banged in and out, the more she loved it. Shy and reserved she was not!

"Give it to me, fuck me hard!"

Galahad was shocked by the language the young novice screamed out, but it only spurred him on even more. Piglet grabbed him by the biceps and wrapped her legs around his waist as her sweet juices coated his shaft. Beside them Pinky laid on her back and raised her hips as if fucking air, her pleading eyes focused on Sir Galahad.

"My turn?" She asked calmly.

He shifted from Piglet and unceremoniously shoved his slick tool into her cunt in one forceful plunge. Pinky clamped her hand over her mouth as the lust crazed male savagely banged into her, stretching her tight pussy to the limit. He held her ankles wide apart so that he could take her deep and hard. Her sweat matted hair was spread out on the straw filled pillow as he surged in and out of the little minx. She was his slut, willing to do whatever he wanted.

"It is so big!"

Dingo whimpered as Lancelot pounded her with steady thrusts from behind. He felt her push back into him as she rested her weight on her knees and elbows. His big nuts slapped at her round behind as he pumped in and out, his muscular arms holding her just how he wanted.

"You're so manly! Oh, you're going to make me cum!"

Dingo pushed back as far as her strength would allow as she urgently rubbed her clit between her legs. Lancelot gasped as her love juices ran down his balls in a slow trickle. The satisfied blonde fell face down on the bed and his dribbling cock slipped out of her gaping cunt.

"My turn!" Announced Crepper who pushed her cute ass down on the lap of Lancelot in a reverse cowgirl position.

Her hands formed a firm grip on his long shanks as she dug her toes in the straw laden floor and bobbed up and down with throaty shrieks. She rode his incredible cock with great enthusiasm, reaching between her legs to rub his balls as she did so. Her pert butt smacked on his groin each time she thrust down and kept still for a fraction of a second in order to relish the huge prick in her tight cunt. Lancelot grabbed her by the tits and hauled her back to him and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.

"Methinks it high time I joined in." Said Stormy as she rose from her seat and padded over to the bed, her large breasts jiggling on her chest, and her buttocks rolling seductively from side to side.

Her light hair was loose and reached the bottom of her shoulder blades. She rolled over onto the bed and laid on her left side, her head in the crook of her arm. With her right hand she rubbed her slit with her chin up proudly as she stared directly at Lancelot who lifted Crepper off his aching cock.

"Dost thou desire me?"

The lean knight blinked hard twice and his erect cock leapt at the sight of the most desirable maiden he had ever seen.

"My lord! your dart is so big!"

Indeed his cock jutted out from his groin like a ruddy spear with a mushroom sized head that shone in the light of the candles. He moved in without a sound and Stormy spread her legs out wide on either side of him as he grabbed both of her shapely thighs and put them on his shoulders. He studied her pussy lips which were slightly open, one of the most erotic things he had seen in his life. His knob sank into her sodden pussy and he began to thrust in hard, moving her body to and fro on the bed.

"My good sir! Thou art the best!"

With his superior strength and posture the tall man slammed in deep, his balls slapping loudly on her meaty ass. Galahad looked on as he watched his comrade's monster cock plunge in and out of the fair maiden, her lovely legs wrapped around his lanky, well muscled body. The heels of her feet jabbed into his shoulder blades and her nails raked his butt as she was royally fucked.

"Fuck me! oh yes, fuck me!" She wailed.

Galahad hovered close and made intense eye contact with the stacked blonde beneath Lancelot. He read her mind and held the glistening cock head to her ruby lips. He took a step forward and his knob pushed into her open mouth. Stormy was ecstatic as she was now penetrated from both ends, a more wicked degradation did not exist. Sweat poured from the two knights as they flexed and bucked in their throes of illicit passion. She made a tight seal around the hot member in her mouth and used her tongue to lick and flick the swollen glans that pulsated and throbbed.

"I...I'm spent!" Cried Sir Lancelot.

With her mouth full of cock she felt Lancelot shoot his cum inside her pussy, the warm and wet sensation causing her to moan in sheer bliss. He pulled out and his semen began to drip out and down her ass crack. Galahad saw this and pulled away from Stormy's rabid mouth and assumed the vacant position left by Lancelot. He saw the wet cunt agape between Stormy's parted thighs and dove on into the creamy interior. His ass went into overdrive as he fucked the blonde at a frantic pace. He slipped out a couple of times but patiently inserted his aching cock inside once more.

"Oh, oh fuck!"

Stormy experienced her second cream pie and held onto Galahad by his butt and kept him deep within her while he gushed his seed. The large chamber smelled of sweat and sex and cum as the heat rose, and throng of women began to disperse. Stormy rose and threw a robe around her nakedness as she fluffed up her unkempt hair. Sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad also looked about for their clothing and made to leave.

"We must away to Camelot, fair maiden. Mayhap we shall venture this way again."

"Please do good knights. Thou art always welcome."

As they made their way through the woods Galahad glanced back to see the grail shaped beacon being lit yet again, perhaps to lure some more unsuspecting knights to Castle Anthrax?

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Re: Monty Python and the Holy Grail XXX
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2020, 05:04:48 PM »
This gave me a great laugh. RIP Terry Jones. Holy Grail and Life of Brain are hilarious films.
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