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Author Topic: This Ain't Postman Pat XXX  (Read 541 times)


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This Ain't Postman Pat XXX
« on: October 10, 2020, 06:07:24 AM »
Pat delivers to the female members of the village.

I do not own the rights to this British tv show, nor the characters, any resemblance is purely coincidental. Not to mention highly improbable! I first posted this on Literotica who promptly removed half of the content due to age concerns. Of which there were none. This full version first appeared on archiveofourown. Some people were offended at first. I guess younger readers grew up watching the show. But to quote a wise old sage from Lit, it's only a freaking parody! From swaggering pimper-123z.

p.s. No puppets are harmed in any way in the following tall tale. 


Postman Pat Clifton was not a particularly handsome man but he had been blessed with a prodigious appendage.
Big nose, big cock goes the myth, and in his case it was certainly true.

He was a pistol no less, and he had a healthy, nay necessary sex life, and needed to get laid every day.
Most men in fact needed to ejaculate at least once a week in order to keep the prostate healthy, Pat needed it twice or even thrice daily.

Luckily the nature of his job meant that he drove around the tiny lanes of Greendale and knew all the residents.
And the womenfolk knew of him and his enormous manhood, hence their name for him of the Lothario of Greendale.


As he woke up beside his good wife Sara, he had his usual morning wood which poked up on his belly like a pork sword.

He turned onto his side and hoisted his wife's nightgown over her juicy ass and rubbed his stiffening cock along the crevice of her buttocks.
With an increasing ardour Pat moved his hips faster, dropping his pyjama bottoms and giving his spouse a butt fuck.

"Pat, not now, it's only five a.m."

Sara stirred and moved away to the far side of the bed still half asleep.
Pat sighed with disappointment and got up to go downstairs.
Quickly getting some cereal for breakfast, he then got dressed in his royal blue postal uniform and drove to the post office.

Dawn broke and the experienced postal worker loaded up his red delivery van with two mailbags of letters.
As he jumped in and started the motor a black and white cat leapt up and sat in the passenger seat.

"Good morning Jess, you fucking rat bag.!"

Pat stared at Mrs. Goggin's cat which licked its paw and stared right back.
The fur of the animal made the man sneeze as per usual and he picked the thing up and wiped his big nose along the cats back.

"Gesundheit!" How he hated the horrid thing.

Pat adjusted his round lens spectacles and drove off down a long and winding lane as the first rays of sunlight shone through the windshield.
This was going to be a nice day.
Then Jess farted and Pat cracked the window and wrinkled his nose in disgust and loathing.

"I swear I'm going to make a violin out of your guts one day!"

The smell of flowers from the country lanes cleared the air as he continued driving.
He liked to vary his route depending on who he fancied having a romp with.
One letter had caught his eye as he stuffed the letters in his bag and which was addressed to Doctor Sylvia Gilbertson.
As she was in close proximity he decided to start there.

"Morning Pat." A woman waved him hello.

The stacked strawberry blonde stood on the doorstep as she heard the familiar sound of PAT1 motor up her gravel driveway.
As a general practitioner the cottage served as a surgery as well as home to her and her husband.

"Morning gorgeous, lovely day for it."

The attractive middle aged woman giggled as she tatalizingly thrust her bared left leg from her white bathrobe.

"I was about to take a shower, anything interesting for me?"

Her big blue eyes gazed at two things at once.
A large manilla envelope in his right hand, and his big bulge that tented his freshly ironed trousers.

"Take your pick." The six footer spread his hands and grinned, grinding his hips lasciviously.

The aroused gigolo took the startled woman in his arms and dipped her like a modern day Rudolph Valentino and kissed her full on the lips.

"I think I need a shower too, I rose early this morning." He said.

"I bet you did you devil. Come on in. Hubby is still in bed."

The pair of rampant lovers climbed the stairs of the chocolate box cottage hurriedly, Sylvia shedding her robe as she went.

By the time they reached the bathroom Pat had removed his jacket and shirt, along with cap and shoes. She turned on the faucets and looked back at the half dressed man.

"Come on, strip."

Sylvia was already in the buff, her flaxen hair about her lily white shoulders, both hands on hips.
Her DD tits hung large over her ribcage, the rosy hued nipples stiff and angry looking.

Pat's eyes grew big as he ogled her mouth watering huge boobs, and let his pants fall to the bathroom tiles.
He stood with back straight, proud of his erection which sprang up and out at her like a purple topped log.

"Oh my, I never get tired of watching you get hard."

The sexy doctor licked her lips and her right hand went all by itself to the golden pubes of her moist pussy.
His stiff cock was all of ten inches, thicker toward the top, where his bulbous head flared out from his foreskin.

The shaft, with its long and engorged vein, curved to the left as it reached full erection.
Something which fascinated the lecherous female doctor.

"I always was an early riser."

Pat was muscular, but not overly muscled.
His arms and legs were long and lean, and his groin and chest were covered by curly ginger hair.
He removed his eyeglasses and squinted as the steam from the hot shower rose.

They stepped in together and Sylvia took a fresh bar of scented soap and made a lather in the palms of her hands.

Taking turns to wash each other creating soapy suds on their bodies.
As they faced each other under the cascading stream, hands slid here, stroked there.

"Wonderful," said Sylvia, as she began to get hot and wet.

Pat's slick fingers slipped inside the woman's pussy with no resistance whatsoever and she sobbed gently as he frigged her.

"Wow, you're really wet, how bad do you want me?"

"It's been two weeks Pat, I need a good seeing to."

"Well, I need a good suck, care to oblige?"

She crouched down, needles of water hitting her back as she watched his cock throb obscenely.
With a sweep of her hand she moved her lank wet hair from her face and grabbed the huge weapon in both hands.

"Your balls look scrummy. "She declared and licked them both as she held his shaft up.

Pat moaned as he felt his soft ginger hair which covered his testicles tongued.
Then the warm snake ran up the underside o his stalk slowly and surely to the swollen bell end.
Her big blue eyes never left his as she welcomed his cock head inside her mouth and have it little baby sucks.

Once his crown was wetted enough Sylvia gobbled up the top three inches and bobbed to and fro, her nails dug deep in the flesh of his lean thighs.

"Feels fantastic."

Her hands still gripped the impressive prick as her head bobbed on the top, soft groans of satisfaction from her pursed lips vibrated along his length.
Postman Pat just had to fuck her.

"Up babe."

The doctor relinquished his pulsing cock and planted the flat palms of her hands against the shower wall and bent forward at the waist.
Pat moved behind her, the spray of water on his face and chest, and parted her legs.
He looked down the naked curve of her back to her full and ripe bottom and almost drooled.

She stuck out her rump and he welcomed the offered bum and squeezed and slapped her with unadulterated glee.
With his massive prick in his right fist he made three attempts to penetrate the physician, who tried to help matters by wiggling her hips side to side.

"Push harder, lover."

Pat did so and the flared head split her folds as her cunt finally surrendered its pink interior.
With a great sigh she braced herself as inch by inch the postal worker eased his enormous knob inside of her.
Her heart raced as the tall man pushed up into the diminutive woman who stood on tiptoe, desperate to maintain a balance on the slippery tiles.

"I'm half way in." He announced to an incredulous Sylvia.

"Only half? Fuck!"

She gave a gasp and rolled her eyes back as he started to move in and out with long and drawn out strokes.

"Oh...my...goodness! I'm coming!"

The sensation of his whopping love rod squeezing in and out of her soft channel was sublime, and her body began to shake.
Impaled on his pole, Pat steadied her by grasping her around the waist and without further ado started to pound the shit out of the grateful woman.

"Don't stop, don't fucking stop. Please!"

Sylvia's moans grew in intensity as did his pelvic thrusts, his lean frame grinding away under the steamy water.
Pat recognised her trembling and high pitched moans to be a prelude to another orgasm and he pulled out as she experienced her second climax.
He reinserted his rampant cock, her squishy cunt making lewd noises as he humped her hard.
Together with the smacking sounds of his thighs against the backs of hers, they made quite a merry din.

"Sylvia, darling. Are you in the shower?"

A mans voice came from down the hall.

"SHIT! Hubby is up. I was hoping for another ten more minutes."

Pat grabbed her body tightly in his hands and slammed his entire ten inches into her pussy with a forceful lunge.

"FUCK!" She quaked and shook as her quim was plundered by the thick member of the sly womaniser.

With a wicked grin he pulled out and raised his face into the cleansing hot water of the shower.
Sylvia dropped her head and cupped her raw pussy.

"My word, I'm such a slut." She chuckled.

She straightened up and yelled out to her older husband who stood in the threshold of their bedroom.

"I'm almost done dear, stay there. Best make yourself scarce Pat, I'll stall him while you slip out."

Pat gathered his things as his fat pecker began to point south.
DAMN. He hadn't cum yet and he was severely frustrated.
Only one thing for it, next stop would have to be that insatiable bitch Dorothy Thompson.

Postman Pat, the Don Juan of the sleepy English village of Greendale, drove along the secluded lane to the home of local veterinary surgeon Amy Wrigglesworth.
He experienced a thrill as his red delivery van neared the tiny cottage where she resided, alone with her collection of animals.
A curvy young woman with raven black hair, Pat considered her the most attractive of all the females in town.

The insatiable womaniser had yet to bed the new babe in the village, fresh from graduation, and was excited and nervous at the same time.
He fetched a big square parcel from the rear of the van and rang the doorbell.

Twice. (Get it?- Author's note)

He sneezed loudly as a mix of animal fur and surgical spirit clogged the nostrils of his oversized nose.
The cottage served as the veterinary clinic as well as a home to Amy.
Through the frosted glass of the front door he could just make out the five foot seven figure of the girl.

"Postman!" He yelled through the mail slot. "Parcel for Miss Wrigglesworth."

The door opened and a smiling young filly greeted him.
Very nice, he thought as she scrutinised the leggy female.
She appeared to have just risen from her bed, it was only seven a.m., and she was bare foot and dressed in only what looked like a man's shirt.

"What time is it?" She blinked in the morning sun and yawned.

As he arms went up in a languid stretch Pat caught a  glimpse of her C cup breasts under the half buttoned shirt.
But even more revealing was the fact that she was totally naked underneath and even with his poor sight he had seen her beaver between her upper thighs.

"You need to sign please."

The postman placed the square parcel over his groin in order to hide his hard on.

"Come into the kitchen and I'll get a pen, care for coffee?"

YES! He was in!

Inside he sat at a wooden table covered in a chequered cloth and sneezed again.
Various creatures could be heard about the house as they stirred from their nocturnal habits.
As the coffee machine spluttered into life the strikingly good looking woman sat on an easy chair opposite him.
He gulped and crossed his legs surreptitiously as she shamelessly draped one leg over the arm of her seat, her trimmed pussy quite exposed.

"What a night I had," she said as she examined her parcel, her long hair in her pretty face.

"Oh?" Pat sipped his coffee from a Rolling Stones emblazoned mug.

"My so called boyfriend came over from the University of Cumbria for the weekend and we ended up fighting.
He's such a limp dick, he couldn't even get it up after two bottles of wine."

"Really? Must be terribly frustrating for a young girl."

"You got that right, this village is so full of old people, am I right?"

As she spoke Pat ruffled his ginger nut and cleaned his spectacles.

"I couldn't possibly comment on that."

Amy considered the middle aged postman and drank her coffee.

"Say, are you married?"

She stood up to get a refill, her pert ass plain to see under the oversized shirt.
Pat now sported a big erection and was in some considerable discomfort as he sat hunched at the kitchen table.
Amy glanced up and saw him squirm.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes," he answered, "I am married, to Sara." He winced painfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I've embarrassed you haven't I."

"No, no, it's alright, just that, well, I am frustrated in the bedroom myself. Sara and I don't have sexual relations these days.

The vet grew nearer and now noticed he had his hands buried in his lap.
Leaning over him he could smell her divine womanly aroma and he visibly winced again.

With a wide grin Amy traced a line with her index finger down the front of his blue uniform and only stopped when she reached his groin.

"Do I scare you, Mister postman?"

"Quite the opposite actually, I'm very turned on by you miss."

"Call me Amy," she told him as her hand stroked the outline of his more than generous appendage.

His bulge was phenomenal and the amorous vet was pleased at her discovery.
His shoes scraped the floor tiles as he was lovingly caressed by her dexterous fingers.
Ten inches tented the front of his trousers and he ached to be set free of the considerable pain.

"Why Pat, you're very well endowed. Such a shame to put it to waste, considering how horny we BOTH are."

This was music to his ears as he watched her draw his pants down to his knees and pulled his large organ from the confines.

"Heavens, you're hung like a horse! Just looking at it makes me wet!"

Amy stroked the fat girth and felt the heat of the great tool.

"Taste it." He asked.

She pulled back his foreskin and slid her mouth over the flared top and took it in about half way.
With her right hand at the root she moved up and down at a steady pace, her lips pursed around his hard cock, releasing a trail of saliva trickle slowly to his balls.
Pat could feel his pulse race as his prick vanished between those ruby red lips.

"Tastes good actually."

"No talk, just suck it."

Pat guided her back down with his hand on top of her head and he was once more engulfed down her throat.
She gagged as his pulsating tool glided in and out of the young girl's mouth, but she persevered and kept on sucking.
His face screwed up with sheer bliss as she measured out licks and strokes of her tongue, her lower lip languishing on the underside of the thick shaft.

The postman was impressed, not to mention highly delighted, as he watched the babe suck him off to her heart's content.
Now she changed tack and made tiny sucks on the engorged head alone causing him to drop his jaw in admiration.
He desperately needed to fuck the young filly and he gently pulled her head back up.

"Where is your bedroom, sweetie?"

"This way," she said as she took his hand.

They came to a charming bedroom with a twin bed in the middle of the pink decorated room.
Pat stepped out of his pants, shedding his shirt and shoes quickly.
Amy turned to the naked man and removed the large shirt from her delectable body and tossed it aside.
The teenage girl was slim and fit with firm breasts and long limbs, her shiny black curls fell to the top of her succulent bosom nicely.

His gaze never wavered from her juicy exposed box however and his erection bobbed with anticipation of plundering it soon.
Likewise, Amy looked admiringly at the mans cock that jutted out of his nest of pubes and aimed straight at her.
Her boyfriend was hung like a pencil compared to this cock, the biggest she had ever laid eyes on.

"Eat my pussy, big boy."

The raven haired beauty rolled onto the bed and kicked her legs out wide, showing off her skinny line of pubic hair.
The line started from the top of her moistening slit and ran about two inches upwards, black as night, trim as a landing strip.
Pat eagerly climbed up onto the bed and removed his glasses, kicking his legs behind him as he put his face to her beckoning quim.

"OOOH, YES!" She whimpered as his wet tongue moved inside her like a warm arrow.

Her senses reeled as she thrashed her head from side to side, her hands firmly in his as he tongue fucked her.
Pat squinted and felt, rather than saw, her cunt start to bubble as her juices flowed from within.
He rubbed her anus with the knuckle of his middle digit as he probed the very depths of her damp cunt.

"What on earth are you doing down there?"

Amy bucked wildly as her nether regions were teased thoroughly.
Then, when he swiped her clit up and down vigorously with his pursed lips she gave a loud shriek as she attained a shattering orgasm.

"FUCK! My whole body felt that one!"

Postman Pat grinned and then pretended to leave.

"Well, must be off, got more mail to deliver, ta ta."

"You are going nowhere until you fuck my brains out this instant, you devil!"

Pat laughed. He may have had a homely look and was short sighted, but every woman wanted his huge cock.

"If you insist, do we need K Y jelly? Or condoms? They're all in my jacket. I'm always prepared you know?"

"Just do it."

He knelt between her wanting thighs and positioned his knob against the opening of her cunt and with a great lunge up he crammed two thirds of his love muscle inside of her with a sigh of relief.

"HOLY FUCK!!" Exclaimed the young girl.

His big truncheon vanished into her squishy pussy with a joint effort from both rampant lovers.
The massive weapon plundered her tightness and as he pressed home his groin brushed her hard clit which tingled madly.
They moved in tandem on the bed, writhing passionately, a lewd tangle of limbs and slick genitalia.

Pat was like an enraged bull as he rammed his horn in deep, every hip thrust of the sweating mailman brought forth a lingering groan from the girl pinned under him.
Amy lifted her slim pins and encircled his waist as her pussy was pumped and pumped by his large member.
Her fluids seeped out freely as she became increasingly aroused, and dribbled down the crack of her cute ass.

On and on he drove in, nearly splitting the girl in two.

"Faster, faster, I love it! So fucking big!"

Pat leaned forwards until his face was within one inch of her blushing face, her wide grey eyes on his.
Copious amounts of sweat dripped from his entire body onto hers as he gave of his best, quite the performance actually.
As their slick frames slapped and slithered together in noisy unison, Amy came for the second time with a shrill yelp.


In the other part of the house several dogs began to whine at the unsettling sounds emanating from the bedroom.
Pat slowed his grinding then halted, his rock hard prick embedded in the decidedly stretched cunt of the slavering vet.

"That was fucking intense, care to ride me a while?"

"Just try and stop me."

Pat pulled out with a resounding pop and laid back, his glistening pole pointing to the ceiling.

"Up, pup." He smiled and Amy straddled his lanky frame and lined up his knob to her dribbling cunt.

With a deep breath she sank down, inch by inch, her bum hopping up and down in an attempt to fit his gargantuan cock inside.
Then success, her folds parted and he was in.

Pat was content to let the girl do all the work and took immense pleasure in watching her luscious tits bounce around as she rode him.
With her youth came a boundless energy that gave even the village libertine food for thought.
He would definitely be returning here.

As she gyrated her hips her pussy devoured his length, scraping her inner walls with the utmost friction that caused tiny whimpers to escape her lips.
Pat now chose to thrust up as she hit her down strokes making his cock stab her cunt with a pent up excitement.
Amy literally bounced up and down, impaled on his rigid pole, and the palms of her hands settled on his chest for fear of toppling over.

"Amy, your pussy is so tight, I need to cum."

From the way he was shaking Amy believed him and rolled off his length and laid alongside him in a pool of sweat, her cunt gaping.
She moved into the classic 69 position and gobbled up his steamy cock, tasting herself on his veiny shaft.
It took barely a minute before Pat cried out with an animalistic growl.
He buried his face in her pussy that mashed against his face and muted his cries.

Pat came with a fierce intensity.
The first blast hit the back of Amy's throat and coated her tonsils.
She was quite taken aback, unprepared for the stream of sperm that filled her mouth, so mush so that she began to spew the jism onto her chin.

"Fasten your seatbelt, darlin."

Pat still spurted and a white rain hit Amy full in the face, splattering her lips and upturned nose.
He jerked under her until eventually he was spent.

"Golly! I never saw so much cum out of one man, I'm soaked !"

Amy coughed and gulped hard, wiping her face with the back of her hand.
Once their exuberance subsided postman Pat groped around for his spectacles.
His eyes lingered for a long moment on the outstanding naked form of the lovely Amy who purred like a kitten on the bed.

Pat gathered his things.

"Simply must dash, it's time for my mid morning snack. Toodles!"

Pat just remembered the registered letter for Dorothy Thompson, the farmers wife, and also the fact that she was rather partial to cunnilingus.
Hey ho, here we go!



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